Sad Choices
by Archraven
Summary: Kakashi always had someone - till the very end. Anko reflects on his life and wonders. Oneshot.


**I hope that you will enjoy this small oneshot I thought about. Sorry if details of Anko's past is inaccurate. I will be continuing "Kakashi's Choice" soon – just need to have a few more ideas and time. I've got my next GCSE exam soon!**

The first time I saw you, you was with your parents. You mother, one of the most beautiful kunoichi I had ever seen, was holding you tenderly. You were only four years old, but you were already reaching out for your mother's kunai pouch. You father, the most feared warrior, stopped you playfully before grabbing you and tossing you up high into the air and catching you again. You thrilled with laughter and merriment. I watched you and felt the cold hate seep into my heart.

The next day, I heard your mother had been killed. But I didn't feel symphatetic. You still had your father. I, on the other hand, had no one.

*

I saw you with your sensei once. I was five and you were six, already a Chuunin. You and your sensei were both having ramen beside that Ichiraku Ramen shop; at least, your sensei was having ramen. You weren't eating anything. Instead, you seemed to be lecturing your sensei as he scoffed down bowls and bowls of ramen. You were gesturing at a mission scroll which had the marking of an S- class on it, but your sensei was simply laughing and eating.

I didn't know what to make of your sensei at that time. He was the widely known "Konoha's Yellow Flash"; one of the greatest ninjas our village had ever had and also one of the village's most eligible bachelor. There was no denying that your sensei was sought after by many, many village girls and women. The only blip about him was the fact that he had a little silver haired brat with him almost all the time. And though the brat was one of the most adorable looking little boys, he got in the way of certain womanly advances.

I watched your sensei eat ramen with wonder at how someone so great could get addicted to ramen. I don't like ramen myself, preferring to eat juicy meat most of the time. You appeared to share the same distaste for ramen; judging by the way you kept on trying to pull your sensei away from his lunch.

Your sensei finally stopped at his fifteenth bowl. I had lost count by that time, but your loud, indignant voice carried over to where I was standing.

"Fifteen bowls of ramen sensei! _Fifteen! _Are you _trying_ to get sick?" You gestured wildly at the number of emptied bowls stacked on top of the ramen bar's counter.

"What? Kashi-chan, ramen is good for you!" Your sensei explained patiently whilst fondly ruffling your hair. Your snort of disbelieve almost made me laugh. Almost.

"Sensei…" I could hear your exaggerated sigh. "Sensei, ramen contains all sort of unhealthy fats. Also, it has addictives put into it to make it taste better. Do you have any idea how unhealthy it is?"

"You shouldn't believe everything you see on the packet, Kashi chan," your sensei smiled at you. "And besides, you know what they say!"

"No," you looked to be resigned to the fact that you couldn't curb your sensei's addiction. "What do they say?"

"Fifteen ramen bowls a day, makes you Hokage someday!" your sensei beamed proudly. I sniggered quietly to myself as I watched you stomp your little feet in frustration, "That's nonsense, sensei!"

The ramen shop's owner was glaring at you for trying to spoil his sales, and it seemed that your sensei noticed. He gave the owner an apologetic grin and before I could even blink, he had carried you up into his arms. I wasn't the only one who stopped to watch as you struggled to free yourself from your sensei, who happened to be tickling you mercilessly.

Your screams of laughter echoed down the road, and as I watched you and your sensei battle each other playfully, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of longing in me. I wanted to have someone who loved me enough to make me laugh like that…but of course, I had no one, just no one.

*

Only a year passed before I caught sight of you again. This time, I watched you try to cope with your father's suicide in the graveyard. You were sobbing by his grave, your tears falling freely though you tried so hard to stop crying. Your eyes were still wide from the horrors of the past few days. Your ever faithful sensei was beside you, holding you through your grief as you wept.

Many were present at the funeral, though it wasn't to pay their respects. I realised with shock, that most only attended the funeral to curse the man buried in his grave. Lots of lives had been lost due to your father's mistake, though I wouldn't really call it a mistake. It was hard for me to imagine that someone as magnificent as your father could make mistakes.

Everyone in the village had heard about the failure of the White Fang, and how he had killed himself to escape the shame. The shame inevitably tainted you as well. The villagers that you were fighting so hard for at the tender age of seven gossiped maliciously behind your back. The talked cruelly, mockingly with their sharp tongues about how Hatakes were a disgrace to the village.

The funeral ended quickly due to a few drunken ninjas, who wanted to cause a disturbance. One of those drunken ninjas tried to kill you, saying that the village was better off without any Hatakes. I can still remember how swiftly your sensei got rid of that ninja. He was faster than lightning, and even now, I shudder to think of him as my enemy.

But soon, more ninjas joined in, vandalising the burial of a once celebrated hero, It was only the appearance of the Third Hokage that prevented things from escalating. The kindly old man hugged you tightly, but you didn't respond. You were in a sort of haze, where you didn't notice what was going on around you. But even then I didn't feel sorry for you. You still had your sensei with you, and many others who cared for you. I still had no one.

*

Team Yellow Flash was formed a year later. Your sensei had had enough of you having no friends, that he applied for you to have some Gennin. It was a vain attempt of your sensei to try and get you to have some friends. It was obvious to me from the very start that you only had distaste for your inferior team mates, and their childish antics annoyed you. But your sensei encouraged you to befriend them, and since you always listened to your teacher, you eventually did, albeit reluctantly.

Obito, the former prankster, the always grinning idiot was an Unchiha and so, he took it upon himself to work hard and try to beat your outstanding record. He had a somewhat cute crush on Rin, a plain looking medic with a sad, healing smile. Rin, instead, loved you. It was sad that you were so absorbed in the ninja world that you had forgotten about how to live in the real world. You were oblivious of her love.

Bonds between your team formed, and remained strong. At the age of nine, Obito killed his first man. I was there, and I saw the way you awkwardly comforted your shaking team mate. Rin's healing hands took a life, and you protected her as she fell unconscious in the midst of a battle. With your sensei's training and your reluctant coaching, your two team mates became Chuunin at the age of ten.

You were rarely seen without the members of your team. Though you acted indifferent with them, you never seemed to be able to part with them. You and Obito continued to fight and argue a lot, like real brothers. You continued to emphasize Rin's weaknesses, but everytime she performed well, you gave her a smile that would cause her blush and stutter. And of course, you continued to lecture your sensei on his eating habits.

Sometimes, you even laughed along with your friends.

Five years after the team was formed, Obito died. You returned back to the village with mismatched eyes. I have to admit that at first, I believed the village's gossip; that you murdered your best friend and forced your medic team mate to implant Obito's Sharingan into you.

But then, I noticed you visiting the Memorial Stone day after day. You would stare at Obito's name for hours, and then would slowly break down, whispering the words "sorry" over and over again.

I still felt that I was in a worse position than you. You may have lost him, but you still had Rin, who loved you even more. You still had your kindly sensei, who rocked you to sleep every night you have nightmares.

I had no one.

*

A year later, you joined the ANBU. Your sensei was furious at you doing so, and he dragged you straight back home. He made sure that no one was listening, before going on an angry rage. I spied on the scene by using my "Snake Eye" jutsu; I could see through the eyes of the snake curled up at your home's window.

I watched as you tried to justify your actions, but your sensei would not listen.

"Do you have any idea how ruthless the ANBU are?" I had never seen your sensei get that angry with you. "Do you think I want you to turn into an uncaring, unfeeling monster? Now listen here! You're going apply your immediate removal from the ANBU squad."

You scowled, and calmly stated, "No."

"Slap!"

I was shocked as I saw your sensei raise his arm and strike you right across the face. You head whipped to one side, and a red bruise immediately began to show on you unmasked face. The impact of your teacher's slap was enough to unfasten a few of your teeth and cause a slight trickle of blood to flow from your mouth.

You looked as surprised as your sensei. It seemed that Minato sama had never hit you before. Horror slowly began to emerge on your sensei's face, and in a flash, he was on his knees and was begging for forgiveness.

"God! I am so sorry! Honestly, Kashi-kun, I didn't mean to – I'm so sorry- I'm such an idiot- I don't deserve to li-"

Your sensei's babbling apologies was cut short as you suddenly hugged him. I wasn't the only one surprised.

"It's alright sensei," you smiled cheerfully, and hugged the blonde man tighter. "You just care about me."

"I do love you," your sensei said seriously. He held you at arms length and looked into you eyes. "And that is why I don't want you to turn into a monster."

"The ANBU's duty is to protect the Hokage at whatever cost," you stated with another smile.

"So?"

"You're going to be Hokage soon sensei," you grinned, "I know that Orochimaru is a strong candidate, but I'm sure that you will get the job. And once you become Hokage, you're going to need me."

Your sensei understood your reasoning, and he smiled. His smile faded as he caught sight of the bruise on your face. He touched your cheek tenderly, and with a burst of chakra, healed your injury.

"Alright," your sensei sighed, "you can be ANBU. But only as long as I approve of all the missions you take first. Okay?"

"Okay," your smile was so dazzling that I'm surprised your sensei didn't look away. Then your sensei grinned, and his grin was twice as dazzling that I ended the jutsu almost instantly; my eyes were starting to go blind. I swear, your sensei's grin was just bright as Gai's "good guy" pose.

Just before I ended the jutsu, I saw you and your sensei hug each other once more. I hated you more than ever at that moment. Orochimaru sensei hurt me all the time, and doesn't regret it. But your sensei only hit you because he loved you. I hated you so much that I felt as though my heart was going to explode with

Because, you were still loved, and I still had no one to love me.

*

The next Hokage was chosen almost a year later. Just before the Sandaime announced his decision, your sensei and mine met.

You were standing just next to your sensei, with a Wolf ANBU mask covering your face. As Orochimaru sensei and I approached your sensei, you removed the mask to reveal your face as a sign of respect.

"It's good to see you safe, Minato san," Orochimaru smiled at your sensei, who smiled back oblivious to the killing intent emitting from my sensei. I shivered, and noticed that you shivered slightly as well. You moved closer to your sensei and you fist clenched and unclenched.

"May the best man become Hokage," your sensei grinned good naturedly.

"Indeed," Orochimaru sensei murmured, "I don't suppose you've met my student yet, Minato san. This is Anko."

I bowed my head respectfully. Your sensei looked at me kindly. You seemed to notice me for the first time, and in that brief instant our eyes met, I wondered if you realised that I have been watching you all your life.

"You're very pretty Anko chan," your sensei complimented me. I blushed, and Orochimaru gave me a grim look of distaste. I could tell that he was ashamed of me.

"Well," Orchimaru transferred his gaze to you, "Kakashi kun. It has been a long time since we've met. I see you've made something of yourself already. The fearful Sharingan Warrior."

"It's nothing compared to your reputation Orochimaru sama," you bowed your head courteously and murmured. Your sensei ruffled your hair affectionately and grinned at my sensei.

"Shall we Orochimaru sama?" Your sensei gestured at the room, where the announcement for the next Hokage would be made.

"Of course Minato san."

Later on, once Sandaime sama chose your sensei to be Hokage, Orochimaru sensei left the room in anger. That night, he hurt me and the others cruelly and my hate for you intensified as the scene of you laughing with _your _sensei haunted me. I hated the fact that you not only had a much more nicer sensei, but also a loving family – I saw Minato's wife, Kushina sama hug you tightly with joy as your sensei's name was called out for the Hokage position. She was pregnant with a child.

I hated you with a passion. You had everyone – I had no one.

*

When you were fifteen, the Kyuubi attacked. By then I was fourteen, and have left Orochimaru. His evil deeds and cruel, malicious experiments had been found out, and he was now a missing nin. I left him long before he was discovered, but I am now treated as if I was his evil spawn. The villagers hate me, fear me. In fact, it's only your sensei who had shown me any kindness at all. He forbid me to be killed and gave me a home, a shelter. I am forever in his debt.

Due to your sensei, I met you a few times. You didn't hate me like everyone else. You, like Rin, flashed me a smile everytime we met. Because of that, my hate for you lessened.

The Kyuubi attacked our beloved village ruthlessly. More than a hundred ninjas were killed, and hundreds of civilians died. On that night, when I thought that all was lost, your sensei appeared. He had tear tracks going down his pale face, and I realised that he had been crying.

He was carrying a screaming, wailing blonde baby that reminded me of him. Beside him, like always, there was you. You were pleading with him about something. There were tears in your eyes, and your entire front was stained with red.

"Sensei! Please don't! Kushina sama and Rin are already dead," you sobbed. "Please don't leave me! Don't leave Naruto!"

Your sensei turned and I saw that there were also tears in his eyes. He hugged you tightly, cradling the baby with one arm.

"I have to do this Kashi chan, I'm Hokage" he whispered. "Look after Naruto for me, will you?"

"Of course I'll look after Naruto kun," you tried to smile. "But sensei, I can't let you do this."

Your sensei smiled at that. He hugged you tighter.

"I know. I love you, Kakashi," he murmured. He ruffled your hair for the last time before quickly knocking you out. You fell limp in your sensei's arms. He lowered you to the ground caringly and with a sad look on his face began to form the seals that would summon his giant toad.

The next day, all in the village grieved for the loss of a great Hokage. The Yondaime Hokage would never be forgotten. The Sandaime took the position Hokage again. The jinchuuriki, Naruto, was placed under ANBU supervision – there had already been many attempts on his life.

Over the Kyuubi event, no one seemed to remember that I was once Orochimaru's students. I made new friends, great friends and comrades. I rediscovered the joys of life and eventually became a special jounin.

You on the other hand, made no attempts to make other friends. You stayed in ANBU and soon became known as the "Leaf Village's Shinigami". You became an "unfeeling, uncaring monster". You visited the Memorial Stone every day though, and on some rare occasions, you would break down – without anyone to comfort you.

I watched you, and soon the hate began to disappear. Because I realised that I had no reason to hate you. I had someone – you had no one anymore.

*

I don't know what happened, but after ten years of being one of the greatest ANBU commanders in the history of commanders, you resigned. Some say that you quit after being given a mission to assassinate a little child. You broke, and reduced yourself to jounin rank.

Before anyone knew it, you began making friends. You wore your normal black mask and took up a lazy attitude. You started to laugh and smile more quickly. Maito Gai took it upon himself to become your Eternal Rival – and you both had the most silliest fights.

However, you refused to pass all the Academy students given to you. Until finally, you passed the most unusual team I had seen in a long time. Naruto, the jinchuriki, Sasuke, the revenge seeking genius, and Sakura, the schizophrenia disease sufferer.

I wasn't surprised to see that you had Naruto on your team. I was glad for you, that you were keeping your promise to your sensei. You looked after you team well, making them one of the most talented Genin team there was. But all good times must end, and of course, you soon lost your team. Each one of your students went off with each one of the Sannins.

You were left on your own again.

I look at you now, and I don't hate you. I look at you now, and I wonder…when will your tragedy end?

**The saddest story I have ever written. I feel so depressed writing this one shot. Anyway…please review! I would love to find out about your opinions of this story! **

**Thank you!**


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